berlin.

a lady bug was in my hair today. at first i thought it was a leaf. i think it peed on my hand. it left a yellow liquid. do ladybugs pee? if so, it peed on me. i think lady bug pee is good luck.

maybe i should wait to write this when i am in a good mood, but i also want to write while it is still fresh in my mind. i am of course on the train and i am feeling ill. probably just my allergies triggered once again by all the smokers here in europe. i am praying that upon my return to real life that i don't get sick again. sort of like after finals in school i would always get sick because of how i pushed my body. i will be open to suggestions for "staying healthy remedies." i am also cranky because i am very exhausted and german people are SO loud. i do not know if they know how to lower their voices. AND last complaint--they have the ugliest language in all of europe in my opinion. i will be glad not to have to hear it for a long, long time.

i am very pleased that i stopped in berlin. in fact, i wish i would have skipped zurich and taken an overnight train to berlin. it was SO fascinating with all its history. there are old buildings and very new modern buildings. there are fabulous museums and delicious, cheap cheap food. i ate so much while i was here because i knew holland would be much more expensive to have the same "special european" food.

this is what we need to export to america: doner kebaps. i saw all the shops in many places here in europe, but i never stopped because it looked kind of gross. but someone suggested to eat one while in germany so yesterday i did. WHOA. i am in love. for only 2.50 i got this huge pita pocket "sort of" thing. filled with chicken and lots of veggies and a great little yogurt sauce. my mouth salivates. i think i would give up all sweets IF i could have one of those every week.

when i arrived in berlin i went to my hostel called three little pigs. i have no idea where the name comes from but it is in an old convent. it was really big and a nice location in west berlin. since i had no guide book or pages on the city, i decided to just walk around. i quickly looked up on wikitravel a few things and saw that museums were free on thursdays for 4 hours in the evening. i went to one that looked interesting and it was closed. i ended up seeing this tiny exhibit on "60s high fashion," which my mom would have LOVED. lots of photography and fashion drawings. it was neat, but none of the signs were in english and the people working there didn't speak english. i was very frustrated. in fact they were more rude to me than ANY person in france.

after my frustration with the people, i decided just to walk the streets and see what i find and not talk to anyone. my emotions were running high so it was best that i just steer clear. i saw some cool buildings and took some nice pictures.

oh dad! if you still worked for them we could have been moved berlin. although at that time it was a real disaster there so nevermind.

this is for sammy: i had a thought that the city of berlin looked like a big lego town. a few minutes later, i ran into a lego giraffe. i thought of you. i hope you do that when you're older. it seems fun.


then i heard some music playing so i followed the sound. they played in the quad of the famous church and were really great. samba music i believe. i lay in the grass to listen. THEN this man in a WINDBREAKER from the 90s and dreadlocks walks up to me. he spreads his legs and walks OVER ME. i was so scared that i curl into a ball because i had no idea what he was doing. he says some things to me in german. i hold onto my purse and my journal. he stands over me. i pretend he is not there. i look up and these girls are motioning for me to come over. so i get up and they ask who that was. i say i have no idea. they thought maybe i knew him at first, but then saw how uncomfortable i got. they were my age and so so nice. we danced to the music together. once it was over we decided to get food and a drink.

they took me to a german place and i had a braut and sourkraut even though i knew i didn't like it. one girl said to me, "i've never heard of anyone not liking it." well, it was confirmed and i am officially the first person she knows that doesn't. although, i didn't tell them how gross it was to me. there names: francis, mara, max, ira, (me), and claudia. they have known each other since they were FOUR and grew up in berlin.

the next day i woke up and went to the free walking tour that i also did in london and prague. one thing i loved about berlin is how much i learned. i had learned most of it in school, but much of it escaped my brain once the test was over. i've never been much of a history person i think because i need to be able to see places. my dad would have loved it here. i saw:
the brandenburg gate.

a star trooper.

the holocaust memorial, which was very moving despite how it looks. on the outside was sunny and as you get deeper, it gets dark and cold.

hitler's bunker, which is now a "car park" the place the soldiers tried to bury him is now covered by an old shoe deposit.

the left trees are east berlin. the right trees are west berlin.

checkpoint charlie.

the berlin wall. there were two parts to the wall. and in the middle is called death valley or something (sorry my memory is not that great) because if you go over one side, the soldiers would just kill you. and next to the wall is where the SS headquarters were. i didn't make it to that museum, but i wish i had. did you know hugo boss designed the ss uniform?

this bike where the guys drank AND had to peddle at the same time. talk about cycling accident.

the university where marx and engels study. oh and albert einstein.

the book burning memorial, which was difficult to photograph.

the soldiers memorial. it is a statue of a mother holding her son. above them is a hole so all the weather hits them. rain, snow, sun. they will never be protected is the idea.

the tv tower. when it was built, the guy ordered for all crosses to be removed from churches. he wanted east berlin to be a non religious, secular society. and then when they unveiled the tower, the sun shown on it and made a huge cross on it! oh i love that story.

i can't believe that it was only a year after i was born that the wall came down. and to see a place that was so in ruins only a short time ago.


after the tour, i went to the kennedy museum. i never get tired of reading things about them. look at his suitcase: louis vuitton. they had many of his things and i really enjoyed it. it was about how the family used images, which was very important to his presidency. they also had an exhibit of obama and his administration. about the new york times thing on them and how it was similar to something they did for JFK. i felt very proud to have been there when he was elected our president. i look forward to going to a museum about him in 50 years. oh and those are jfk's keys with the pope's face.

i was so exhausted i went home to rest before this pub crawl at night. every city i went to i said, okay this will be the day i do it. but by the time night rolled around i was always too exhausted. i made a pact with myself to go because everyone raved about the night life in berlin. i met a boy juan in my room from argentina and we went together. he had these crazy heart, girl socks on even though he claimed they were mens. he made me laugh and helped me with my spanish. BUT i didn't totally love the crawl. i don't really think i'm so into partying like that. i did enjoy observing how within 15 minutes of the next bar, boys and girls were pairing off. and if they weren't yet paired off--they were scouting like hawks for who to go after. i went home by 12, which is lame, but okay with me.

this morning i went to the jewish museum berlin. i knew it would be really sad and it most definitely was. the building was INCREDIBLE and i won't try to explain it because it is impossible. only something you feel. for so many years i've learned about the holocaust and so many years i have felt sad for the people. but to stand there and think about how it happened in THAT land and that life continued to go on in THIS city while millions were being killed---i couldn't help, but to tear up. i thought about all the loved ones separated and how it would be if my family was taken from me.

it was a very melancholy day for me as i am realizing my trip is coming to an end. and i am coming to terms with never seeing jord again. i feel sad, but going to that museum put things in perspective. i could have reasons to be much more sad. and so i try to be grateful for these weeks that i have had to grow and grow and grow. i knew it would happen, but not to this extent. i hope i can carry it with me as i go back to the states and back to real life. i am glad that i wrote in my journal so that when i start to slip back into my old, degrading ways, i can pull myself back out.

i wish i could share everything that has happened to me emotionally. all the thinking i've been doing AND the non-thinking (which is nice since i am an overthinker by nature). i learned to be adventurous and to follow my heart. i didn't try to be someone else and i did what i enjoyed doing and never felt guilty about it. sure i don't have much interest in old egyptian history or the bysintean gate, but i could spend hours looking at modern art or laying in fields.

i head back to holland now much different than i began.

once i went to this psychic when i was in high school with madison. we thought it'd be funny. all i remember her saying was that i would love 5 people. i sort of laughed and thought wow i have a long way to go. i thought of it today, which i haven't thought of in a long long time. i think i am three down. two to go. each one keeps getting better and better. all dark hair. i will be a lucky woman once i reach that fifth one if it continues like this.

anyway, i am long winded today.
love love love,
e.